It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
