Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
