people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
