Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
