It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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