Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
