Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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