I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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