If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
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