I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
