we're blogging at a bar
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
