I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
