Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
