Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
