Fuck appropriateness.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
