i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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