Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
