Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
