2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
