apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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