she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
