God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
