tell your sister to shave her snatch
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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