no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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