i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
