yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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