dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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