That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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