I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
