You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
