So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
