just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
