Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
