there was a trapeze. enough said
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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