Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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