Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
