Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
