dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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