Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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