all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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