thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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