A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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