So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
