There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
