i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
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he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
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It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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