she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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