I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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