at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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