I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
