The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
