Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
