SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Why did my mother make you get naked?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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