I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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