and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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