Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
