Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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