I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
