I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
