New invention idea: vibrating tampons
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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