mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
pray to the hookup gods
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
