don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
