Apparently you make a good broom.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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