Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
