Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
