I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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