Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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