I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
