forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize