the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
