The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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