bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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