dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
