I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
