I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
its liver damage thursday
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
