Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
