Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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